Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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