exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
