I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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