Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
