guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
