This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
