i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
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If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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