Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
