He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I met the friendliest cop last night
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize