He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
