cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You need Xanax blowdarts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i out mim tonsoeep
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