I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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