i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
