I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
