I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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