Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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