so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
