life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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