I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Still dying that you shit outside
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
