Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
