if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
