I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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