Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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