My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
