Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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