Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
