We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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