Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
