you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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