Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
