I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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