i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
