i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
