Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
