The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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