I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
