there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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