I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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