Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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