last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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