U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
