i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Everclear isn't food dammit
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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