On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
