I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think my mom watched the whole time
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
