i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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