The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
