i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's never too late to be topless.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
