I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i've created a new STD.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
