Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream