Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.