Texts From Last Night

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.

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  (918): Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama. (515): I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott. http://tfl.nu/z2im
  Replies (121) Good night (1837) Bad night (1557)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.

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  (480): A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card. http://tfl.nu/fah6
  Replies (47) Good night (5249) Bad night (1115)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I don't know but we should still do that

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  (503): why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men? (541): I don't know but we should still do that http://tfl.nu/3rqy
  Replies (20) Good night (5307) Bad night (835)
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  (516): View more from New York

  he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

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  (516): he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time. http://tfl.nu/8o43
  Replies (22) Good night (5421) Bad night (1198)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.

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  (678): just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game. http://tfl.nu/2q8s
  Replies (12) Good night (2938) Bad night (1727)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  First date: that requires underwear, huh?

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  (954): First date: that requires underwear, huh? http://tfl.nu/ogif
  Replies (17) Good night (4190) Bad night (1083)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no

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  (+44): all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no http://tfl.nu/jen9
  Replies (15) Good night (2729) Bad night (1432)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

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  (605): you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar http://tfl.nu/3k40
  Replies (17) Good night (1566) Bad night (2775)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.

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  (631): Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl. http://tfl.nu/065k
  Replies (13) Good night (1697) Bad night (2929)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.

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  (304): I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad. http://tfl.nu/mnuf
  Replies (4) Good night (1373) Bad night (781)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?

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  (417): Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off? http://tfl.nu/54ro
  Replies (4) Good night (715) Bad night (1889)
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  (323): View more from California

  Your cock deserves a montage

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  (323): Your cock deserves a montage http://tfl.nu/nty6
  Replies (1) Good night (1369) Bad night (617)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.

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  (630): I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver. http://tfl.nu/scdz
  Replies (5) Good night (1029) Bad night (559)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.

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  (330): We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us. http://tfl.nu/w3kf
  Replies (2) Good night (1114) Bad night (379)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.

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  (713): I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover. http://tfl.nu/74mv
  Replies (3) Good night (667) Bad night (307)

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