so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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