Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis

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(248): I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis http://tfl.nu/utf8

Replies (38) Good night (3332) Bad night (907)
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(410): View more from Maryland

To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

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(410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj

Replies (10) Good night (5700) Bad night (847)
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(936): View more from Texas

you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

(1-936): View more from Texas

I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...

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(936): you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while" (1-936): I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day... http://tfl.nu/1f15

Replies (19) Good night (10151) Bad night (952)
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(805): View more from California

I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.

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(805): I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on. http://tfl.nu/fosj

Replies (8) Good night (4105) Bad night (1008)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile

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(860): my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile http://tfl.nu/1qzw

Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (1619)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.

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(724): She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail. http://tfl.nu/o810

Replies (13) Good night (715) Bad night (2769)
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(760): View more from California

I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.

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(760): I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/aeiu

Replies (3) Good night (1341) Bad night (622)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo

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(803): i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo http://tfl.nu/7ggy

Replies (1) Good night (456) Bad night (915)
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(251): View more from Alabama

Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?

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(251): Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails? http://tfl.nu/r64b

Replies (2) Good night (857) Bad night (351)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~

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(504): Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~ http://tfl.nu/nmyu

Replies (5) Good night (421) Bad night (642)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...

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(330): Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat... http://tfl.nu/3sal

Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (323)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?

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(732): I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet? http://tfl.nu/fv2m

Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (284)
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(708): View more from Illinois

I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.

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(708): I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge. http://tfl.nu/23bj

Replies (1) Good night (551) Bad night (300)
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(315): View more from New York

I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.

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(315): I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times. http://tfl.nu/z7n6

Replies (2) Good night (351) Bad night (275)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.

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(828): I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared. http://tfl.nu/zkb0

Replies (0) Good night (313) Bad night (126)

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