i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
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This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!