So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room