I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
