dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
