I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
