paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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