A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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