so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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