all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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