if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
