please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
