O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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