She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
