i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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