My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
