Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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